Oakland Raiders Blog

Thank god I raced home to watch Sportscenter tonight, as the “breaking news” was indeed a shocker…

 – BRETT FAVRE IS CONFLICTED ABOUT RETURN –

This headline won’t come as a shock…

– ESPN HAS OFFICIALY BECOME TMZ –

Thank you ESPN-ABC-DISNEY for turning the luscious Rachel Nichols into the sporting equivalent of Perez Hilton, complete with a live daily stalking of Brett Favre’s Gardener…

Rachel Nichols of TMZ/ESPN

ESPN anchor: “we go live now to Hattiesburg where Rachel Nichols updates us on the very latest on Brett Favre’s return… Rachel your still there, yuk-yuk, we can hear the traffic”

Nichols: “yes, I was here this morning in camo fatigues stalking Brett’s dog groomer as he left the compound, he told me that in deep discussions with Favre during Princessess nail trimming, that Brett is somewhat conflicted.”

ESPN anchor: “let me get this straight Rach, so Brett is undecided about his return?”

Nichols: “thats what I’m hearing, though we expect a decision from Brett soon, say our sources…by the way gotta thank Favre’s pool boy for the ice tea, luscious and lemony .  I can now confirm that despite our Southern location, Brett does not, I repeat Brett does not - drink sweet tea.  thats all we have here, it’s back to the bushes with the long range lens for me guys.”

Brett favre puts the (insert team name here) in limbo

ESPN anchor: “Stay safe Rachel, switching gears to baseball now as our own Peter Gammons reports live from the bathroom of Pinks hot dog stand in Beverly Hills,  where Manny Ramirez has decided against the chili topping, opting instead for nacho cheese spread…”

  Despite the fact that ESPN has literally and figuratively gone Hollywood, it’s Sportscenters absolute obsession with “picking a popular horse” and then beating his story into the fucking ground…shamelessly ditching the inconvenient word SPORTS from their mission statement .

How to save 57 minutes of your life every day: from a 60-minute Sportscenter.  Promise me when I say this script WILL NOT change… and hasn’t changed in Brett Favre’s case in over two fucking years.

• Sportscenter Intro Teaser:
  The latest on Brett Favre… Michael Vick wants to play football… Manny played baseball, and of course the Yankees and Red Sox… stay tuned for your Sports leader.




• Sportscenter Minutes 1 through 57:
  Brett Favre- conflicted
  Arod -hits homer
  Manny Ramirez-  had chicken salad
  Michael Vick- who will he play for… Mortenson makes shit up
  Lebron James- every single bowel movement chronicled
  Tiger- is he the best ever?… again
  Yankees- whether they played or not
  Red Sox- woohoo, game 147 of 162




• Sportscenter Minutes 57 through 60
  -coors light cold hard facts about the budwesier hot seat
  -32 seconds worth of highlights from any other team/game played that day
  -shameless ABC plug
  -tell us we’ll get the latest on Favre/Vick/Manny again tomorrow
  -rinse & repeat

Manny Ramirez- shouts out to ESPN

admin ESPN Sportscenter, Uncategorized brett favre, east coast sports bias, espn, espn bias, favre conflicted, manny ramirez, nichols stalks favre, rachel nichols, sportscenter biased, sportscenter sucks

Ahhh mr. Joe Francis and your lovely Purple Cow… 

Your genius fathered a braindead simple concept of marketing amateur girls who wanted to show us their boobs… buying up 3am slots on TV to peddle your perv DVD’s as  the next best thing to being at Mardi Gras,  without of course having to endure the smell of puke on Bourbon street, or the menacing glare from said topless girls MMA boyfriend. Brilliant!

So despite the fact that one of your intoxicating infomercials swept me up in a  “ShamWow” moment, compelling me to part with 20 clams for a two disk set… …which turned into 20 clams times 8 after discovering the “we keep sending ‘em every 2 weeks, till you call to cancel, but the line are ALWAYS busy” fine print… which unbeknownst to me turned into a class action suit… which will be cutting me a full refund check from the settlement… but I digress… who cares cuz now your banging Paris Hilton right?

Well Joe, despite all this I’m feeling ya on your latest legal snafu where you bribed a jailhouse green miler from Reno with Raiders tickets and a box of Cracker Jacks. Cons have been making wine from fermented rat feces whilst thrusting shivs into their jailers necks since Alcatraz was but a wee twinkle in Juan Manuel de Ayala’s eye. So the shock value of “inmate offers gifts for in house favors” is nil, especially when you’re sending a prison guard to work out some agressions in the asylum we call the Black Hole.

So to you Joe I say, since your everlasting gobstopper of a DVD contract has you filming “Spring Break Daytona #827, more clips of the same chicks we showed you 2 years ago;” consider instead continuing to grease the goons with Raiders tickets… but also send

DVD #924: Oakland Raiders Girls Gone Wild

them off with a HandiCam and a GGW badge. Oakland Raiders Girls are a passionate bunch, and thankfully for peace and harmony on the pigskin planet, they’re hot and not at all shy about showing off  their passion.  

A few tidbits for Girls Gone Wild to consider while at a  Raiders Tailgate:
-  Do not give tickets to your new orange clad jumpsuit homies without a wardrobe swap,  orange is as welcome here as a glove-less prostate exam from Walt Coleman.

-  When we talk about “the tuck rule” or “the snowjob” this by no means is Silver and Black code for hiding the salami or a hummer on a black diamond at Vail.

- “Go Deep” is in no way a John Holmes reference.

- Once you go Silver and Black, you’ll never go back.

emefrorge Raiders girls, Raiders News, Uncategorized girls gone wild, joe francis, oakland raiders girls gone wild, Paris Hilton, Raiders girls, raiders tickets