Ahhh mr. Joe Francis and your lovely Purple Cow…
Your genius fathered a braindead simple concept of marketing amateur girls who wanted to show us their boobs… buying up 3am slots on TV to peddle your perv DVD’s as the next best thing to being at Mardi Gras, without of course having to endure the smell of puke on Bourbon street, or the menacing glare from said topless girls MMA boyfriend. Brilliant!
So despite the fact that one of your intoxicating infomercials swept me up in a “ShamWow” moment, compelling me to part with 20 clams for a two disk set… …which turned into 20 clams times 8 after discovering the “we keep sending ‘em every 2 weeks, till you call to cancel, but the line are ALWAYS busy” fine print… which unbeknownst to me turned into a class action suit… which will be cutting me a full refund check from the settlement… but I digress… who cares cuz now your banging Paris Hilton right?
Well Joe, despite all this I’m feeling ya on your latest legal snafu where you bribed a jailhouse green miler from Reno with Raiders tickets and a box of Cracker Jacks. Cons have been making wine from fermented rat feces whilst thrusting shivs into their jailers necks since Alcatraz was but a wee twinkle in Juan Manuel de Ayala’s eye. So the shock value of “inmate offers gifts for in house favors” is nil, especially when you’re sending a prison guard to work out some agressions in the asylum we call the Black Hole.
So to you Joe I say, since your everlasting gobstopper of a DVD contract has you filming “Spring Break Daytona #827, more clips of the same chicks we showed you 2 years ago;” consider instead continuing to grease the goons with Raiders tickets… but also send
DVD #924: Oakland Raiders Girls Gone Wild
them off with a HandiCam and a GGW badge. Oakland Raiders Girls are a passionate bunch, and thankfully for peace and harmony on the pigskin planet, they’re hot and not at all shy about showing off their passion.
A few tidbits for Girls Gone Wild to consider while at a Raiders Tailgate:
- Do not give tickets to your new orange clad jumpsuit homies without a wardrobe swap, orange is as welcome here as a glove-less prostate exam from Walt Coleman.
- When we talk about “the tuck rule” or “the snowjob” this by no means is Silver and Black code for hiding the salami or a hummer on a black diamond at Vail.
- “Go Deep” is in no way a John Holmes reference.
- Once you go Silver and Black, you’ll never go back.
Raiders girls, Raiders News, Uncategorized