Oakland Raiders Blog

… I just want Sportscenter and ESPN to do better; and ask them not to try and control the entire world.

I really do not hate Sportscenter, despite ESPN’s blatant attempts at controlling and monetizing the entire sports world.  In this age 0f 24/7/365 everything, ESPN has managed to grow their niche product (all sports all the time) into a bloated media empire.  “Little ol’ ESPN” you say?… well here is that quaint sports network we fondly remember, back when Berman had hair and Sportscenter showed sports. ESPN, as described by one of its many parents…

I really don’t trust the “…leading multinational, multimedia sports entertainment company featuring the broadest portfolio of multimedia sports assets with over 50 business entities” to deliver my unfiltered unspun sports news, any more than I trust Rupert Murdoch and Fox to be “Fair and Balanced” on politics. Sportscenters newest fascination, shifting and shaping self generated sports drama, then re-packaging it into “he said, she said” sound bites… all feeds corporate greed, and the never satiated hunger for “linkbait” content for ABC/Disney/ESPN to turn us into sporting foie gras, forcefeeding us heaps of ad laden crap about Brett favres retirement plans.

ESPN … your sp_ _ _ _ s leader?

Watch the video below, shitty footage of a shitty Sportscenter from 1-29-11… listen to the glee as ESPN plays a high school game of  “he called you a…”

 
Click for: espn-sportscenter-trash-talk-video

To ESPN’s credit, they usual run back and forth with the microphone getting “trash talk” sound bites, though I’ll guess Mathew Stafford simply wouldn’t play along when ESPN came a callin’.

S-P-O-R-T-S

Heres something I can guarantee hasn’t been pitched for ten years in the ESPN quality assurance meetings… the ones where the corporate heads discuss (as all corporations by charter and decree “must” do) how to squeeze even more profits out of the same consumers.  Lost in these discussion is Sportscenters very roots, sports. Sports, that silly and forgettable “S” in your Entertainment Sports Programming Network acronoym.

A peculiarly nasty aspect of “corporate” bliss is the need to grow shareholder revenue always, even when its obvious it brings about diminishing returns to your loyal consumers. It’s quite apparent now that every Sportscenter “production” meeting must begin and ends with this directive… “what we need to do, is figure out just how much blatant and egregious paid shilling these sports junkies will take before it affects our profits.”  Continuing… “Gentleman and Gentle women of ESPN we need something big, drama for your mama style, I want you to think along the lines of the Budwesier Hot Seat talking smack to the Coors Light cold hard facts.”

ESPN - Loves Trash (read the screen) Talk

“ Sorry Adam Schefter, no no no NFL tweets until they’ve been thru the ABC/Disney/ESPN/AOL/KarlRove vetting process.”

 Do I hate ESPN? NO, god damnit. I’m saddened by the death of a great idea replaced by a consumer “product.”

A product like Sportscenter that is nearly 3/4 contrived drama, has a narcisssistic focus on the “anchors” at the expense of the sport, and features a nightly circle jerk over the next assinine move made by Manny ramirez, followed by a Twilight worthy mancrush segment on anything YankeeSox.

I’m actually trying to provide ESPN with an out… a magic wayback machine that recaptures Bermans hair blowing in the wind at Soldier field, long before you commissioned the ghost of Salvador Dali to design the Sportscenter set… telling him to “imagine timothy leary throwing paint in a room full of exploding Orange Crush.” Sounds like sports to me.

————— more ESPN Sportscenter articles ——————————–

ESPN East coast bias: ESPN Sportscenter East Coast bias

Breaking up With Sportscenter… Dear ESPN: Take Your Cat and Leave my Sweater

Credit where Due… ESPN World Cup soccer coverage awesome, ESPN Monday Night Football – Chucky & Jaws Rock

All ESPN Sportscenter posts on raidergirls.com (click “older entries” at end of each page for more ESPN related posts, including “ESPN Sportscenter: Horny Goat Weed back in Stock”)

TannerBoyle ESPN Sportscenter espn, espn bias, ESPN empire, espn sportscenter, sportscenter, sportscenter sucks, trash talk

Horny Goat Weed returns to the ESPN Sportscenter family…

Quienes tu Papa?

We all know a friend who has the cutest little dog; until that certain fuzzy pillow or furry squirrel toy appears…

 The mere sight of their obsession (my neighbors pug knocks boots with a mini-football… no Barry White required)  turns little “Puffermuffins” into a 12 pound ball of gyrating canine nookie, incapable of thought past that of R. Kelly at a senior prom.

 As the moth returns to the flame, Tiger Woods Playing in the Masters returns a warm fuzzy leg for Sportscenter to madly hump. Like a crank addicted OCD case in the Dr. Drew files, the addiction AND obligatory self-loathing play out publicly; under the intense glare of the 242,914 kilowatt Sportscenter set. Even now in an era when “color” in sports generally describes benign things like the hideous nature of Miami Dolphins Aqua & Orange, the mere sight of a black guy hitting a ball with a stick appears to send ESPN into a “bom chicka wah wah” tizzy, rivaled only by that of a Bon Jovi groupie backstage on ecstasy.

So smitten is ESPN with all things Tiger Woods, you may actually think nobody else even teed it up at Augusta. Did they???

I Guess variety is not the spice of life...

   

As noted in a previous ESPN-OCD post, the editor who snuck a Padraig Harrington segment into Sportscenter (screen capture at left) was swiftly terminated with cause for grossly straying from Sportscenter’s mission statement. In clear violation of Policy & Procedure code (PP 947.2, subsection 6c)  which clearly states: “If it bleeds or misdeeds it leads.”  addendum A: a minimum of 89.2% of air time must be dedicated to drama involving the specific words “Tiger, Manny, A-rod, Favre, or Yankee-Sox” hereto collectively referred to as “the Precious.”

  

If Bob Beamon’s record Wasn’t Safe…

Long before Tiger parlayed flirting with the history of Nicklaus into a direct assualt on Chamberlain held territory, there was ESPN docudrama’ing his every range ball. Though ESPN was scooped that infamous night at the Woods mansion, catching wind of El Tigre taking aim at the Big Dipper while watching “When psycho chicks with 9-irons attack” on sister show TMZ.  

The worst part of this, I actually come out of this liking Tiger more. You see I’ve wanted to hate him, and have for some time. It wasn’t him per se, its just that I’ve hated “prodigies” in general since “tennis mom” and Todd & Marv Marinovich entered our lexicon. Now we find out Tiger is simply fucking human. Tigers humanity will deprive me of my dislike. I crave the yang of genuine disdain to balance the ying of my rooting interests, even in chummy old golf. Could I really love the Raiders as much without the Nitrous Oxide like added intensity of detesting the Donkeys? Bring on the Biff Elway and Shanirat NOS baby.

We will leave it to you gentle readers how best to summarize the symbolism of the picture below. Bow-wow-wow-yippeee-oh-yippee-aye Tiger….

actiofzic ESPN Sportscenter, Uncategorized bom chicka wah wah, espn, espn bias, espn tiger woods, horny goat weed, masters golf, sportscenter, tiger golf obsession, tiger woods

Giving credit where it’s due… The Monday Night Football broadcast crew is baaaaaack, and they actually speak intelligent football!

Not since the days of yore (the Cosell, Gifford, Meredith era for you tykes) has the MNF crew been anything other than mindnumbingly boring  corporate hell sellout whores… ”well hello it’s Mathew Mcconaughey, who just happened to stop by the booth to pimp his Marshall plane crash flick, and because demographics indicate the 16-34 year old female segment thinks he’s a hunk. ” Since the golden era of Cosell and co., we’ve endured Kornheisers lame schtick, the bizarre Dennis Miller debacle, and eye candy sideline reporters (I wanna kiss you too Suzie… though we know you are legit) sporting designer scarfs and adding ZERO football value.

Monday Night Football... b4 the fat lady sang

Jaws: The master of film breakdown, Jaworski delivers spot on matchup analysis to go along with his prescient view of NFL quarterbacks. The passion Jaws has for the game shows in every telecast,  a real passion unlike that forced shit ( Jerry Glanville anyone?) we see so often.  Though admittedely its a dual-edged sword with Jaworski, but only because I so desperately hope to see other QB’s (please read this if your name rhymes with “Damarcus”)  become that same respected football gym rat.  

Tirico: Mike Tirico subtlely does what he does very well, giving the color with a good feel for game management… and he knows when to shut the hell up. A bit underrated, my respect for his skills have grown since being surrounded by this capable group.

Gruden: Saving the best for last we have Chucky, who brings the schtick and the knowledge from being on the front lines right up to 2009. Gruden is easy on the ears, if a tad Pollyana at this early stage of his broadcast career. Maybe its due in no small part to his Raiders background, but I really enjoy his breakdowns and analysis.

“Shit, I actually feel smarter about my pigskin IQ after Chucky digs into the nuances of the Tampa 2″

Can’t honestly tell you the last time MNF made me any smarter… certainly not during the agonizing death of brain cells caused by the Miller/Limbaugh/Kornheiser’s of crews past. If beer does indeed kill off the “weak” brain cells, than the industrial strength poison wrought by these guys surely nuked the rest.

Thank you ABC/ESPN/Disney for remembering that FOOTBALL is the engine that drives MNF. For those of us who make our snack runs during the Superbowl commercials <perish the thought>, we appreciate this not so small nod towards the game itself.

Funny Jaworski spoof video by Texans WR Derek Anderson…

Of course you can’t please everybody…

Still bitter Joe?

aherioslio ESPN Sportscenter, Uncategorized Chucky, espn, Gruden, Howard Cosell, Jaworski, Monday Night Football, Tirico